I've tried this before. MANY times.

WordPress, Notion, a Blog where I posted like twice, a GitHub repo called "personal-site" that has three commits from 2021. All of them felt like borrowing someone else's house and trying to make it yours by moving the furniture around.

This one is different for me. Because every single pixel on this page was a decision I made - taking decisions in a non-impulsive way is relatively new for me. The weird warm paper colour. The pixel font. The grain texture that probably nobody notices.

And yup, I used AI to help me build this. And I don't feel fake about it. I used to think I had to know everything perfectly, that using AI meant I was somehow cheating, or not smart enough to do it alone. But now, honestly? Why not use the tools available to materialise ideas that would otherwise stay stuck in my head.

I'm aware of the line - not using it to replace artists, writers, or creators. I'm using it to bridge the gap between what I can imagine and what I can actually build with what I have right now.

the brain dump problem

I needed somewhere that felt like mine enough that I'd actually use it. Somewhere I could drop half-finished thoughts without feeling like I was publishing them looking for public acceptance, validation. I just needed somewhere that the mess was the point.

Every other platform optimises for polish. For engagement. For looking like you have it together, all perfect.

I don't have it together, and maybe I never will. I have a lot of tabs open inside my head and a notes app full of things that start with "what if I--...", loads of writings, conversations I have inside my head registered in notes scattered across many other note apps.

This is where those things go now.

why build it instead of just using something

Partly stubbornness (one of the many amazing features I was born with). Partly learning — in all fairness I'm doing an HDip in Software Development and building things is... part of the whole thing.

But mostly because the act of building, of actually doing things, lets my brain flow through the lines of many thoughts. And I can finally feel like I'm creative. I'm thinking. I'm alive.

Building it myself, with all imperfections and issues, is what makes it feel like home.

mayb-lab is the first experiment. It's also proof that the experiment is worth running woot woot.