Here's what my current project backlog looks like:
- mayb.lab (this site — in active development woohoo!)
- A Godot game concept that has yet to be developed
- Italian (month 73666219, still not able to speak, confusing tenses, getting stuck, but always attracted to it)
- An HDip in Software Development that has actual deadlines (my nemesis)
- Innumerable gigabytes of photos I took in Cork that need me to feel comfortable sharing them
- Five project notes that I haven't opened in weeks
This is not unusual for me. This is Tuesday.
the ADHD thing
I was diagnosed late. Which means I spent a long time thinking I was just bad at finishing things, bad at prioritising, bad at being a person who does one thing at a time. Just. Bad. Not enough. Adequate.
Turns out my brain is wired to chase novelty and lose interest once something stops being new. This is a problem if you want to ship things. It's less of a problem if you reframe what "done" means — I think. Still figuring this one out.
done doesn't necessarily mean finished
A Godot project where I would learn how collision shapes work — that's done. Even if the game never gets released.
A photoshoot where half the photos are blurry? Done. I learned something about exposure in flat Cork light.
This log entry that ends without a conclusion — also done.
the chaos is the system
I used to fight the switching. Try to force myself to focus on one thing until it was finished, perfectly finished. It never worked, and it made everything feel like failure.
Now I just... let the switching happen. But I write it down. That's the whole point of this place.
The chaos doesn't go away. But it leaves a trail now.